Action > Reaction

Getting along can be hard to do. It is more than just saying nice things. When someone wrongs us, no matter how small or big a deal it is we tend to unconsciously react to this. We may smile and say nice words, but other mannerisms and non-verbal cues give us away. Body language expresses more than what words can say. As it is said: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Morange the orphan child at the rural French orphanage was taught that for every behavior he showed there would be a consequence: "Action, reaction"! Is what his choir director constantly exclaimed. The trouble maker of a boy was always acting mischieviously. BUT HIS VOICE WAS BEAUTIFUL! He was overheard singing one day by the headmaster, whom also doubled as a musical choir director due to past work experience.

The music was used to form the bad kids into good children. They were kept busy. They were praised. And they felt accomplished. And Morange was the star singer.

Every act resulted in either punishment or praise from the teachers. And the punishment or praise fueled the next prospective act of the students.

People generally need to trust one another. Trust can be compromised by breaking confidences, acting rudely, or proving that harm can be performed towards someone. A friend who never keeps your secrets will cause you to be very unlikely to tell them anything. An uncle who is always scolding, chastising, or condemning you will likely cause you to close yourself off to him. A boss who constantly makes jokes at your dispense will make you steer clear of group interactions with that boss.

We know about ACTIONS.

But the REACTIONS are the hard part. Let's talk about what  REACTION may look like.

COMPROMISED TRUST: The reaction to this may look like: hiding details, acting suspicious, becoming defensive when someone is asking too many questions.

CONDEMNATION: The reaction to this may look like: only talking about positive outlooks on life and when things are going wrong the person who is feeling/ being condemned may not show up to social functions, dinners, or they may stop answering calls of contacting the condemner.

TEASING: The reaction to this may look like: leaving early, making excuses to leave early, getting fed up and lashing out when" jokes" are made.

READING OTHERS is never an easy task. Most of us are not psychics.

WE ONLY SEE THE REACTIONS AND WE GET CONFUSED ABOUT THEM.

But I believe that in general

BAD REACTIONS ARE A RESULT OF BAD ACTIONS.

Bad weeks or stress in life can also cause similar reactions.

But in general

when someone seems to be acting "crazy" or "negatively" towards us, we should ask ourselves

WHAT DID I DO TO THIS PERSON?

DID I SAY OR DO SOME ACTION THAT IS RESULTING IN THIS NEGATIVE REACTION?

(Yes, people are sometimes paranoid).

But considering another person's feelings can minimize arguments. The fighting starts when there is one action --> one reaction --> and then another action based on the reaction (and maybe this cycle continues).