Friday, May 10, 2013

The Past Becomes the Future

Do we truly learn from out mistakes? The past can sometimes dictate a person's future.

Opposite gender friendships containing un-communicated or mis-communicated signals and thoughts seemed to have ruined some past friendships, even if the friendships were strong and long lasting.

Nitta Vallens (PsyD, LMFT) conducted live interviews with callers who discussed some confusions they had experienced with opposite gender friends. What were the boundaries? Were they both on the same page? Was their communication honest or did they let things go on too long in the wrong direction?

Their past became their future...

Childhood events of a woman's divorced parents and their confusing friendships led to her ignore interactions with her ex-husband's special female friend. There was some family drama over this. Her past was negatively affecting her present and possibly even her future.

Many more comments can be heard HERE on the KPFK broadcast.

The past can sometimes dictate a person's future. But why is that? We always say that we learn from our mistakes. But do we really? Or do we just learn how to rerun the same thing in different ways? Always recycle, right? We may learn in general, but we always do what is familiar. Breaking a cycle can be difficult and challenging. But it is never impossible.

Firstly, the doctor recommended IDENTIFYING the problem areas (from both sides). Further, the person could TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, and lastly ACTING to resolve the issue can go a long way.

Many people may act and do not even go as far as identifying their needs. Others may identify the main issue, but not take care of themselves and keep getting hurt or keep being disappointed by reoccurring situations. The key is the combo! Openness and honesty with oneself and with the people in our lives does go a very long way.

The past is important and should not be forgotten. But the past should also not become a barrier of sadness or an obstacle in the way of progression. Everyone has fears and dislikes things that they cannot get over. But the key is not ignoring them and not letting them take the wheel. Keep 'em in the passenger seat, or in the back seat, or in the trunk, rather. They will generally stick around, but if they are ignored they will secretly seep into everything. Usually people see this the most in their relationships with family and friends. Some way or another, problems can resurface. But identifying the root of the problem, followed by figuring out what you actually need for your own self, is a good first step!

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